Rage over Fear

That 3 year relationship I spent him were the best and the worst years of my life. He put me through Hell but taught me so much. Taught me not to tolerate anything from any guy. He taught me that if someone really loved you they would not pin you up against the wall and threaten the ground you walk on. He taught me that someone who loves me would not leave me with scars on my back and on my knees for the rest of my life. This story however is not how he hurt me or made me stronger, but how his foolishness changed my sister’s life forever.

           

It was two weeks after we broke up for the last time. My sister and I were walking home from the bus stop. I remember hearing the squeal of Jason’s tires as he took the sharp turn on to my street.  Me and Beth had moved over because we knew teens flew down the street, excited to be out of the “seven hour torture”.  Only this car was different. This car had my ex, Ryan, in the passenger seat. He egged Jason to get closer to us. To scare us. He loved to taunt me to play with my mind like a puppeteer. Jason did as he was told for my ex not only put fear into me but anyone he was associated with or met by.

           

That’s when it happened. The corner of Jason’s car sent my sister flying forward. Her glasses surpassed her own body’s height. The glass of the cracked frames met each of the sun’s rays that pierced through the turned trees. My sister laid on the ground in a heap. Her arm was clearly broken. I dropped my books and ran to her side. I put her head in my lap. Not a word could break the overwhelming search for breath. My mouth was open but only sobs could make sound. The tears ran down my face and splashed onto hers. She was so still, so peaceful. How could she look so calm? I didn’t want her to look calm. I wanted her to cry or to scream with pain so I knew she was alive. But nothing happened. I screamed to my neighbor to call for help.

I looked up to see Jayson and Ryan standing there. Jayson’s face was paralyzed with fear. Not fear that he had hurt my sister but fear that he may get in trouble. The fright of my sister’s life quickly changed to rage over the two men that stood before me. I looked from Jayson’s face to Ryan’s. The corner’s of his mouth were tweaked upwards. He looked me in the eyes. Looked straight to my sole. He tried to toy with me, but I was done with his mind’s authority over mine. I lay my sweater over me sister’s body. I shot up and charged toward that malicious piece of dirt. My mind was far gone, to far for him to control. Only the revenge for that stupid smile of his remained. I tackled him to the ground. “You son of a bitch! How could you be smiling right now!?” I punched him square in the nose. Instantaneously his nose let a river of blood appear. He grabbed my hair and ripped me to the ground. “You think your tough now?” The only defense I had was to hit jam my knee into his crotch. He let go, his knees flew to his chest. He heaved for a breath of air. “HOW DOES IT FEEL!?” I continued to slap, punch, scratch, as much as I could. He fought back too, but this time I couldn’t feel anything, the pure determination to hurt him like he had hurt me for the past three years, and now my sister, made my body incapable to feel any physical pain being inflicted. I could hear the sirens racing down the street. The loud piercing harmony of the ambulance and cops brought the battle to a sudden stop.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Bucket List

            No one knows when their time is up. Even with technology these days the exact time and date can not be exactly targeted. It may be a pre-determined thing. You may be born with a ticking time clock, counting down the days to your pre-determined death. Even so you yourself will never know. There is so much in this world to do before that buzzer wrings. So many places around the world and beyond, seen by only few. The fact that most people do not explore blows my mind. How can you follow the same routine day in and day out? Do you realize that every minute you spend here is a minute less you have? Most live their lives in fear. The fear of knowledge, the fear of heights, the fear of spiders ect. I am not saying I am not afraid of anything because certainly I am; But my imagination and determination to travel around the world has made me decide to stand up. I will not curl up into a ball and watch the minute hands tick away. I have a need to go further beyond the land I was raised and the streets I have walked. I want to experience even simple acts, one that someone just takes for granted, or sees but never does. This is how I came up with my own bucket list. Simple tasks or actions, and some not so simple, that I have been writing down since I can remember. It is not that I am preparing myself for death but the exact opposite. I am preparing myself to live and carry out any dream or wish that I may have. I know that life is short. The past sixteen and a half years have flown by, and I know that when I come back and read this when I am thirty I will be saying the same thing. The difference is that I will be fully content with how I spent those last thirty years.
           A bucket list is a list of things a person wants to accomplish before their time on Earth is up. Some things on these lists may be reachable, others may just be dreams. No two people have the same bucket  list. My Sister's List, by Maura Kathereine Flaherty is a story of a girl who discovers her deceased sister's bucket list. From there she is taken on a crazy journey. Her sister's list is fully duable but not with ease. The things on the bucket list have been inspired if not extracted directly from my bucket list. A few items a reader my learn about is the dream to run across Fenway Park's field during a Red Sox game. I will be fully clothed with no drugs or alcohol in my system. This is not some intoxicated canter across the field this is just one check mark on my list. To feel the field's grass between my toes. To feel so small out there while the walls of the park tower over me with hundreds and thousands of spectators. To feel that adrenaline pump as I run from security. The only thing that could make this any better is if I could get away with it. If I could somehow devise a plan with a  friend or two. To map out Fenway and create a route. To have someone waiting in a getaway car. And a day later when I am being brought out in handcuffs in my classroom by police, the grin on my face, ear to ear, will not budge. I know the fee is a thousand dollars, I already have 650 saved up. So come at my security a grand for a dream that I will never forget and never regret is well worth it to me. The list is filled with actions like these and also actions less extravagant. My goal is to fulfill as many of them as I can. Checking them all of may be impossible because with the more time I spend here the more I come up with. Although there is an ending in the story, there is no ending to my list.
          A bucket list is something that gives someone hope for he future. It excites them with the knowledge of the journey awaiting them. Some may want to jump of skyscrapers, others may want to crochet a blanket. There are no rules to this kind of list, no guidelines, no person to tell you no. Do what you have got to do, you only live once.